Kids can be a handful sometimes because they are children after all who are still stuck with listening to you and following what you say. But what if they don’t heed your orders?
Some parents implement an authoritarian style with their kids’ upbringing which involves a lot of scolding and harsh punishment for wrongdoings in order to make them obedient. It’s a common style for most moms and dads, since this makes sense in hindsight.
But it turns out, punishing your kids may be doing more harm than good for parents as well as the little ones. Yale Parenting Center director Alan Kazdin explained that while moms and dads feel happier when their children follow their orders, the offspring certainly won’t change his/her behavior just because you want them to.
Some might try to reason their parenting style but this could ultimately lead to something more violent or harsh like yelling and even physical abuse. Expert further argued that even subtle penalties like time-outs are a no-no for kids’ psychological well-being.
Alan is hardly the first person to have said this about punishments. A study found that it could harm your relationship with your child because punishing them would not be effective in the long run.
Continuous punishing could make your child hate you and constantly doing this could make them resent you. Plus, this act could also foster a dishonest environment out of fear that you may scold them – as such, they would rather lie and be rewarded than to tell the truth and face the music.
It also has adverse psychological effects on the kids. One research found that those who were physically penalized such as spanking tend to become aggressive in their interactions over time.
Raising Kids without Punishment
The bottom line is, you can raise a child without the harsh punishment and in the long run, you are saving both yourself and your kid. Instead of physically or verbally punishing them, you can explain why their actions should not be tolerated.
This is where effective communication is important: make sure that you know how to put your thoughts into words without sounding condescending. Always remember that how you say things can make a difference as to how the child will perceive it.
A parenting expert advises always use I in your sentences to make your child understand how their behavior had made you feel. Also, underline how the actions make you both feel – for instance, when they leave out their toys on the ground, you can say that you both can meet an accident.